A few years ago I wrote a post on another site about this phenomena. How women seem to have gotten a distorted view of what relationships should be like, based on the subject at hand. I've revamped it for over here.
Why? Because it is a public service. Women, you have to realize that just because you feel a connection with someone, it doesn't mean they feel the connection. It doesn't mean they can read your thoughts. It doesn't mean they want you. It can be a one way connection very easily. You feel it, why doesn't he? It's like calling and getting his voice mail. The connection is only open on one side.
But there is certain behavior that I can't believe some of you still pull, based on all of this, which I consider porn for women. So that is where the following comes in.
In your standard porn movie, or at least what has come to be classified as pornography, women seem to have been reduced to a set of holes. At least, on the surface. When it comes to the exploitation of women, these women are being paid very well in most cases and this is one industry where women are going to make more money than men and have more power in the creative process. However, when it comes down to it, it is the men who are truly exploited. There are men who believe what they see in these videos could happen to them. Men who think this is really what women want. They're actually confused when they discover this isn't how to treat a woman. Those with half a brain who aren't taken away by the fantasy will learn. The rest, well, they're going to spend the rest of their lives wondering why women refuse to go to bed with them more than once and why about half of them tell them that if they plan on doing that again, they'd better be ready to leave money on the night stand.
Now, try to tell a woman that XXX pornography is how sex should be and you will get an earful on what's wrong with what's on the screen. We tell the men we know who get really deep into the entire fantasy to not give up their day jobs to deliver pizza, as what happens to the pizza guys in the movies will never happen to them. These men have become exploited and the true believers of porn fans will never have a decent relationship in their lives.
What really exploits women is what I consider pornography in its most basic term. Something obscene that subverts. Yet pornography for women is something that has been around since before those porn theaters that used to line Times Square. It's been around for many years. It gives women unreal expectations of men, sex and love. It is subversive and in my opinion, it should be banned. But it's available in bookstores and video stores without having to go to a dark corner. It's out there for all the world to see. Where children can see it! The movies are big budget and get lots of TV advertising and can be rated as low as PG, in spite of the filth contained within.
It's something so bad, so evil, it harms every man the woman who believes in this ever dates. After dealing with one of the addicts of this particular kind of porn, a man is damaged and in most cases, scared of women. He becomes a standard porn addict, as it's a lot safer. It effects her friends too, as they have to listen to the ranting. The latest reviews. Get dragged off to see the latest porn flick with her, because only losers go to the movies alone. Or they're expected to read the latest porn novel she's read, so they can have a book club type discussion about it, in between her whining about how yet another man got away, or turned out not to meet her porn standards.
I am of course, talking about romance novels and chick flicks.
I consider those things to be pornography, in one of its most subversive forms. Let's face it. Women who are hooked on that form of entertainment will never be happy with any man. They expect the men they meet to be Cary Grant, Rock Hudson, Brad Pitt, and Leonardo DiCaprio rolled into a package that looks like Johnny Depp. Yes, just as the XXX porn addict will never find a sexual partner that will measure up to what he sees in the movies, the porn for women addict will never find a man who measures up herself. And both wonder why.
Chick flicks and romance novels follow a basic premise. Boy meets girl. Girl rebuffs boy. Girl lets boy chase her until she catches him. Boy loses head over girl and will spend a year's salary in one night to make her happy. Some form of adversity drives them apart. She tells him she never wants to see him again. They both mope around. Chicks watching or reading start crying. Boy goes to the ends of the earth to make girl understand how much he loves her. Boy and girl reunite and live happily ever after.
Ladies, this doesn't happen in real life. Tell a guy that you don't want to see him again and what happens? He goes away. If he doesn't, you end up having him arrested for stalking and telling all your friends what a creep and loser he turned out to be.
The women who are addicted to this form of entertainment do truly psychotic things. Mind you, the man they finally fall for can't be any schlub off the street. He has to be special. He has to wear expensive clothes. He has to make six figures a year at the very least. He has to take them to the right restaurants, the right concerts, send them the right flowers at work to make all the other women in the office jealous. He has to have the right car. No used Toyota driver for these women. He also has to have an air of mystery to help fuel her paranoid belief that he's cheating on her. She has to put him through little tests of his devotion to her.
When I say little tests, I mean complete and total mind fucks. If he says he's going to be home all night, he doesn't feel like going out, he's going to just watch the game on his glorious wide-screen TV, he had better not be in the bathroom, or fallen asleep on the couch, or on the other line talking to his mother when she calls to hang up. She has to make sure he's not lying to her, you see. To make sure he's not in bed with another woman.
She will expect him to have a mind like a steel trap. To remember something inconsequential that she mentioned in passing one day. To remember everything she tells him for that matter. Even if he was asleep when she told him this . Why? Because it happens in romance novels and in chick flicks. Besides,he's going to be expected to stock his bathroom with her favorite shampoo, conditioner, soaps and tampons if he doesn't want her to sulk.
He had better remember their one month anniversary, the anniversary of the day he first gave her flowers, her birthday, the birthdays of everyone in her family, her cat's birthday. … You get the picture. The man who hooks up with a woman like this had damned well better have a secretary with good Outlook skills. Better yet, he should just add everyone she knows to his Facebook, so he can get the birthday warnings a few days in advance.
In addition to the mind like a steel trap, he had also better be a mind reader. He's supposed to be like the guys in the books and movies and know what she needs instinctively. If she has a flat tire 200 miles away in a dead cell area at 3 AM, his spidey senses are supposed to start tingling and he's supposed to send out the tow truck to help her. If she's having a craving, he'd better figure out what it is before she arrives at his place, so he can have it stocked. If she's waiting by the phone, he's supposed to know this and call her just to tell her he's thinking about her. Even if he's in the middle of the most important business meeting of his life. He's supposed to do all of this without the aid of private detectives, bugs planted all over her car, home and office, or using necromancy. Because if she finds out that he's not that instinctive, she's going to have a hissy fit and spend the night telling him everything that is wrong with him.
Any old girlfriends or ex-wives of his had best be dead, it's even better if it was in some tragic accident. That way, she can give him lots of sympathy for what he's gone though, I mean, that's just so romantic that he tried to get to the ex, but the car exploded. Not to mention, it cuts down on competition. Women addicted to this form of porn tend to be needy and insecure. I almost forgot to mention: Extra points if he's still mourning his loss, as it means SHE is the one he's chosen to help him forget. SHE has the power to make him forget and fall in love with her. Tragedy is romantic to the chick flick addict. They also find his brooding sexy.
So, her favorite band is going to be in town, tickets go on sale tomorrow and they've been dating two weeks. Why isn't he camped out in front of box office to make sure he get first row floor center sets for her? He's already a bad boyfriend if he doesn't.
He has to surprise this woman with gifts for no reason. So she can bask in how perfect they are as a couple. He needs to make a ton of money if he wants to keep this woman happy. Don't forget, gifts are to be delivered to her office, so she can make everyone ever so jealous about what a wonderful boyfriend she has. This adds to her sense of self importance. Which is the most important thing in her life.
He needs to get ready to give up his friends, if he still has any after they meet her. The porn for women addict tends to be on the toxic side. She can suck the life out of all who come within 50 feet of her. She will exhaust you mentally and emotionally. Did I mention she's needy and insecure to a fault? He will start to wonder if she's a succubus at some point down the line.
Don't think he can have quiet nights at home with this one. She wants to be taken to the best bars, restaurants and clubs in town. She doesn't just want to be seen, but she wants to show off her newest property. In a word, him. Besides, while his friends don't matter, hers do. And they will want to check him out and tell her if he's right for her. If you are this man, pray her friends don't like you.
He will give up any and all rights to privacy. However, he'd damned well better respect hers.
When she breaks up with him every other week to test his devotion, he is expected to follow her out the door, screaming her name. He will need to tell his boss that he can't come into work because she's taken off for the Bahamas and he has to chase after her and get her to take him back. Better yet, he should be the boss and have a glamorous career. One right out of the movies. Yes, her fantasy becomes his reality. Not to mention, stalking shows he cares. That is, if she isn't serious about breaking up this time. Chances are, she's not.
But then, there are the cases where she is. So if he repeats the behavior she has wanted in the past, begging her to come back to him, she will slap him with a restraining order if he does it this time, because she's serious this time.
But these women can't understand why after they've broken up with him for the 50th time, this time he's not following her out the door. What do you mean, you're letting me go this time? If you truly loved me, you would put up with this inappropriate behavior. Right?
In 8 out of 10 cases, this is where she starts to stalk you. Be scared. Be very scared.
Let's say they make it to the altar. He is enough of a masochist that he finds her behavior charming. Then what happens?
Basically, the romance novel and the chick flick end before the happy couple settles into a routine. No one wants to see the boring stuff, like them fighting over whose turn it is to change the litter box, why one of them didn't use a coaster, whose turn it is to do the dishes. It doesn't show them settling down to a life in suburbia with the dog in the yard and the minivan waiting to be filled with children in the driveway. It doesn't show them renting Disney movies on Saturday night instead of painting the town red. It doesn't show the bills rolling in. If he's behaved the way he's supposed to during the courtship, the credit card bills will be massive. We never see the growing mound of dirty laundry, as they’'re both working until all hours, getting home at midnight and then starting all over again at 6 AM. We don't see Saturday mornings being a whirlwind of soccer practice and ballet lessons for the kids. Real life isn'’t shown. Just the thrill of the chase.
Just as standard porn doesn't show the horny chick showing up at Domino’s nine months later with a baby in her arms, with her screaming how she’s suing for child support, porn for women doesn't show what comes after either. Which is why it’s dangerous. Women who are addicted to this form of pornography are never happy with a man after a few months. It settles down into the routine and they want the excitement.
The chick flick/romance novel addict is one to be avoided at all costs, if you're a man. Unless you enjoy mind fucks and being miserable all the time. If you're a woman and you believe that this is how relationships are supposed to be, you are never going to be happy in a relationship. The man isn't supposed to make you feel complete. For a good relationship, you need to be a complete person to begin with. You also have to realize that the man is a living, breathing human being with thoughts and feelings of his own. Otherwise, you are going to live in your little bubble, wondering why what happens in the movies never happens to you.
