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Sunday, January 15, 2012

Where Is Your God Now?

I just can't wait for football to be over this year.  I've never been a fan, but this season really annoyed me.  Why?  Two words.  Tim Tebow.

OK, so he believes in God.  So does most of the world's population.  Ah, but he's a "Real Christian."  As in Born Again.  So God must be on the side of his team, the Denver Broncos.  Because unless you've been saved, you're not a real Christian.

So believes the far right Christian population of this country.  Anyone who belongs to a denomination other than Baptist and hasn't had that saved experience is a heretic.  Especially if they're Catholic.  But that's another story.

However, all these "Real Christians" tend to forget the sabbath and keep it holy, as they're worshiping at another altar entirely.  Football.  The NFL is a religion unto itself.  Tim Tebow is the new messiah.

I'm not exaggerating.  He has been elevated to godhood by his fan base.  You hear about his life all the time.  From the fact his mother was deathly ill while pregnant and he wasn't supposed to have survived birth.  To how he was home schooled, which in the eyes of the far right religious community in this country, means he was saved from the evils of a secular education in the public school system.  (Forget that being sheltered like that kills a person's ability to learn proper social skills with his peers.)  If not for a Florida law saying that home schooled students can play sports for high schools, we never would have heard of this man.

But play high school football he did and he ended up an All-American.  Every high school football player's dream.  After college, he was a first round draft pick, which would be more impressive if he wasn't ranked 25th.  That says there were 24 players more desirable than he was.  But that is a mere technicality when talking about the new Messiah.  Even ESPN was calling him, "the Chosen One."


He had a decent college career, set records, won the Heisman trophy in 2007.  He was the Golden Child.  He could do no wrong.  Until of course, Sam Bradford beat him out for the trophy the next year.  But his acolytes would rather not mention that.  OK, so 2007 was his really good year in college, his other three years were good, but not nearly as stellar.  However, he was already a god in the eyes of football fans.

He would put Bible chapter and verse numbers in his eye black in college.  The NFL prohibits it, as you are out of uniform if you do something like that.  So the Christian right is screaming that this infringes free speech and freedom of religion.  Which is pretty funny, as they want anyone who doesn't think the same way they do to shut up.  However, rules are rules and you can be fined by the NFL for wearing shoes that are the wrong color for the uniform.  If we let anyone put anything on their eye black, well, let's just say sports players aren't always the most cultured of people.  Anyone else remember that famous Billy Ripkin 1989 Fleer baseball card and "Fuck Face" written on the bottom of his bat?  Just think of the short slogans NFL players could write on their eye black.  Those TV cameras get up close and personal with players.  So there are reasons for these rules. 

So this season, Tebow was promoted from back-up quarterback to starting quarterback.  Because God obviously wanted him to be in the spotlight, the season's original starting quarterback started sucking massively and was put on waivers.  No one saw it as a sign from God when the team he was traded to beat the Broncos on New Year's Day.  God was just testing them, besides, the AFC Western Division was crappy enough this year that with a season average of .500, it was good enough for the Broncos to go to the play-offs.

Well, sort of.  As I said, the AFC Western Division was crappy this year.  They were tied for first place with the Chargers and Raiders.  The Broncos played tie-breakers and won both.  An obvious sign from God!

Then it was onto the Wild Card team of the Division, the Pittsburgh Steelers.  Who finished the season with a .750 average.  Somehow, the Broncos won.  Not by much, but they won. 

Hey, God MUST be on their side, for them to beat a team so much better than they are, right?  Nothing can stop them!  God will see them to the Superbowl!

Well, depending on how Orthodox you are, you might consider Saturday the sabbath.  God's day off.  Since this is the play-off season, there was a Saturday game.  The Denver Broncos vs. The New England Patriots.  The best team in football.  An .813 win average.  But the fans had faith in their prayers.  And New England trounced the Broncos.  The final score was 45-10.  An embarrassing defeat.  Tebow played badly from what I've heard.  The entire team did.  Which leads me to ask...

Where is your god now, Tim Tebow?

Obviously, God likes Tom Brady much better.  Tom Brady.  Who is a Catholic, not a "Real Christian."  So while "Real Christians" go on about how Catholics are Satanic, because of the veneration of Mary and the saints, well, think about this.  If Saturday really is the sabbath, which according to many it is, God was taking the day off.  But in his stead, the saints and the Blessed Virgin Mary were watching out and protecting those who believe in them.  Right?  After all, out of the 2.1 billion estimated Christians in the world, 1.2 billion are Roman Catholics.  So you can't expect God to be there for every single person every single second of every single day.  Saints pick up some of the slack.  So of course the team with the Catholic quarterback was going to win.  Forget the fact that they've been the best team in football for a while.  Forget that they're all seasoned players and quite good at the game.  It all has to do with God and who God wants to win.  Because it's football.

My question is, why do they think God cares about football?  What makes them think that they are such better Christians than any other team's fans, that God will grant their prayers for a certain sports team?  Why are you praying for a sports team to win in the first place?  There are far more important things to pray about in this world, if you're going to pray.  Pray for the economy to improve.  Pray for war to end.  Pray for the homeless.  Pray for children to have enough to eat.  But no, you all spend your time praying for millionaires to get bonuses for winning the Super Bowl.

Football has been elevated to a religion.  I am simply amazed that no one has gotten the idea to start a church and call it the Holy Church of the Gridiron.  Joe Heisman or Knute Rockne could be the God of this new religion.  Jerry Rice, who many consider the greatest football player of all time, can be a living deity, along with Tom Brady, Dick Butkus, Lawrence Taylor, Jim Brown, Joe Montana and a host of others.  We can see if Tim Tebow can maintain before actually elevating him to sainthood or even godhood.  Oh wait.  His fans are already worshiping him as a god.  Too bad his god doesn't see it that way.

So, I'm up for starting a cult church.  While I'm a baseball fan and not a football fan, I can fake it.  The Holy Church of the Sacred Gridiron.  I bet we can make a bundle, while exploiting the true religion of football fans.  Who's with me?  We still have time to get this started in time for the Stupid Bowl Super Bowl.

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